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Re: zoo

Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2020 2:03 pm
by andrewb
To the person who stole my glasses - I will find you - I have contacts . . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2020 2:08 pm
by andrewb
And the same person stole my limbo bar - how can people stoop so low ?

Re: zoo

Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2020 11:17 pm
by andrewb
I accidently drank some of that invisible ink - am now in hospital waiting to be seen . . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Wed Dec 09, 2020 1:02 am
by andrewb
You know, my penis was in the Guinness Book of Records! - but then the librarian told me to take it out . . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Fri Jan 01, 2021 6:44 pm
by andrewb
I remember the advice I was given at the start of 2019 - "Stay away from negative people". Then for 2020 it became "Stay away from positive people." . . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Wed Jan 06, 2021 2:25 pm
by andrewb
My Christmas tree seemed happy when I took off all the lights - in fact it was de-lighted . . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Wed Jan 20, 2021 10:03 am
by andrewb
MAN- Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.
DOCTOR - Wow! That's the worst case of Parking Son's disease I have ever seen !

Re: zoo

Posted: Fri Jan 29, 2021 1:20 pm
by andrewb
God and the devil were having an argument, and Satan proposed a football game between heaven and hell to resolve the dispute. God, in his eternal goodness, pointed out that it wouldn’t be a fair match because all the ‘good’ players go to heaven. The devil smiled, replying, “Yes, but we’ve got all the refs.”

Re: zoo

Posted: Sat Mar 20, 2021 2:07 pm
by andrewb
Am just getting over my Viagra addiction - it was the hardest time of my life . . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Wed Apr 28, 2021 7:51 pm
by andrewb
People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.

Re: zoo

Posted: Mon May 03, 2021 10:32 am
by andrewb
I asked the builder how much a new roof would cost me - he said nothing! it's on the house !

Re: zoo

Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2021 6:05 pm
by andrewb
From Paul Gascoigne: “What do you call a Scotsman in the second round of a World Cup?” - “A referee.”

Re: zoo

Posted: Sat Jun 19, 2021 10:52 am
by andrewb
If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock ! ( that's humerus . . )

Re: zoo

Posted: Tue Jun 29, 2021 10:57 am
by andrewb
I'm trying to organise a hide-and-seek tournament - but good players are really hard to find . . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Tue Aug 10, 2021 11:30 am
by andrewb
My girl Cinderella was in the Olympic football squad - she didnt do very well though - probably because she has a pumpkin for a coach and she always runs away from the ball . . .