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Re: zoo

Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2018 10:55 am
by andrewb
A man in an interrogation room says "I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present."
"You ARE the lawyer", said the policeman.
"Exactly! So where's my present?" replied the man.

Re: zoo

Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2018 3:52 pm
by andrewb
My wife wanted me to cover her in fish and herbs !
I looked doubtfully at her.
She said "Don't you know, there's a thyme and a plaice for everything".

Re: zoo

Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2018 1:53 pm
by andrewb
The other day I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind guy. That’s how I lost my job as a bus driver :(

Re: zoo

Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2018 8:53 pm
by andrewb
Two thieves broke into WH Smiths and stole a calendar - they got six months each . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2018 8:24 pm
by andrewb
I got my best friend a fridge for her birthday - can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it !

Re: zoo

Posted: Sat Nov 17, 2018 10:39 am
by andrewb
A nine year old girl has disappeared after using a moisturiser that makes you look ten years younger . . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Mon Jan 07, 2019 4:31 pm
by andrewb
A man was found guilty of overusing commas.
The judge told him to expect a really long sentence . . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2019 10:26 am
by andrewb
I hate it when people ask me what I’ll be doing in a years time - I don’t have 2020 vision . . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Thu Mar 07, 2019 8:06 pm
by andrewb
My daughter turned 18 this week, so I bought her a locket. She put her own picture in it. I guess now she really is . . .independent . . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Thu Mar 14, 2019 11:39 pm
by andrewb
I read that a crocodile can grow up to 17 feet - but all the ones I've seen only have 4 . . .

Re: zoo

Posted: Tue Jun 04, 2019 4:14 pm
by andrewb
What did the left eye say to the right eye? - - "Between you and me, something smells."

Re: zoo

Posted: Thu Jun 13, 2019 5:18 pm
by andrewb
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah - I thought "He's trying to pull a fast one".

Re: zoo

Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2019 9:55 pm
by andrewb
My sister bet me £20 that I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta !

Re: zoo

Posted: Fri Jun 21, 2019 2:41 pm
by andrewb
The wife asked me to pass her the lip balm - I gave her super glue by mistake - She's still not talking to me !

Re: zoo

Posted: Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:18 am
by andrewb
As I put my car in reverse I thought to myself . . . "This takes me back."