zoo

[andrewb]

I was once married to a cross eyed lady. But we just didn't see eye to eye on anything - also she was seeing someone on the side . . .

[andrewb]

I'm writing a book about hurricanes and tornadoes - but at the moment its just a draft . . .

[andrewb]

Last night I was woken by 6 Harriers players outside my house playing football with a hedgehog. I was absolutely disgusted and just about to phone the RSPCA when the hedgehog went a goal up!

[andrewb]

If I had a penny for every time someone called me old-fashioned, I’d have eight pounds, twelve shillings and thruppence!

[andrewb]

My friend gave me a present of a calculator that is supposed to work by the power of the mind! Sounds stupid to me, but I suppose its the thought that counts . .

[andrewb]

The best character in "The Wizard of Oz" is certainly the Scarecrow - I mean it's a no-brainer . .

[andrewb]

I've just failed my ventriloquist's exam - can't say I'm surprised . . .

[andrewb]

The members of my crossword club are furious because people keep leaving…....We're three down and two are cross!

[andrewb]

I bought a dog from a blacksmith. As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door . . .

[andrewb]

I have two half sisters. My father was a terrible magician . . .

[andrewb]

I mostly test a joke first on giraffes - so it doesn't go over their heads . . .

[andrewb]

I told my doctor, "I think I'm shrinking!". He said, "Relax, you'll just have to be a little patient."