zoo

The place for your jokes, funny pics and anything else that tickles your fancy.

Moderators: harry211, Phil, harriershane, garthrockett

Post Reply
andrewb
Subs bench
Subs bench
Posts: 674
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Thu Jun 02, 2022 8:29 pm

I tried to phone the tinnitus helpline, but it just kept ringing . . .

andrewb
Subs bench
Subs bench
Posts: 674
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Wed Jul 06, 2022 8:06 pm

muffins spelled backwards is what you do when you take them out of the oven . . .

andrewb
Subs bench
Subs bench
Posts: 674
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Mon Jul 25, 2022 9:21 pm

My sister's pregnant! I cant wait to see if I'm gonna be an auntie or an uncle!

andrewb
Subs bench
Subs bench
Posts: 674
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Mon Aug 01, 2022 5:45 pm

My mate used to own a paper shop - until it blew away . . .

andrewb
Subs bench
Subs bench
Posts: 674
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Sun Sep 25, 2022 2:46 pm

Police have confirmed that the man who tragically fell from the roof of a 12 floor nightclub was not a bouncer . . .

andrewb
Subs bench
Subs bench
Posts: 674
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Fri Oct 14, 2022 10:10 am

Every time I try to watch a DVD my dog jumps onto the remote - I think he's looking for the paws button . . .

andrewb
Subs bench
Subs bench
Posts: 674
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Thu Jan 26, 2023 5:20 pm

Did you know that there’s not a single canary on Canary Islands?
-
And did you know that the same holds for the Virgin Islands?
-
Really, not a single canary.

andrewb
Subs bench
Subs bench
Posts: 674
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Sun Mar 12, 2023 7:08 pm

I now identify as "invisible". I admit I was born "visible" - but now I suppose I am "trans-parent" . . .

andrewb
Subs bench
Subs bench
Posts: 674
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Fri Mar 31, 2023 6:03 pm

Cowboys used to hang lanterns onto their saddles at night to help them find their way home - this was an early form of saddle light navigation . . .

andrewb
Subs bench
Subs bench
Posts: 674
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Wed Jun 07, 2023 12:58 pm

Seems I have completely misunderstood Pride Month - would anyone like to buy 12 lions?

andrewb
Subs bench
Subs bench
Posts: 674
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Tue Jul 11, 2023 2:41 pm

Saw a book called "How to solve half of your problems at a stroke" - so I bought two copies . . .

User avatar
Phil
The Gaffer
The Gaffer
Posts: 22207
Joined: Sat Apr 23, 2005 3:24 pm
Location: Africa. I can hear Lions and Tigers

Re: zoo

Post by Phil » Tue Jul 11, 2023 3:21 pm

Woman knocked at the door collecting for the RSPCA so I gave her next doors cat.

andrewb
Subs bench
Subs bench
Posts: 674
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Tue Jul 11, 2023 5:52 pm

well - talking of books and cats - I have finished writing my book on cats! - but my publisher said it would have been better if i had written it on paper . . .

andrewb
Subs bench
Subs bench
Posts: 674
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Sat Jul 22, 2023 12:56 am

Well that's weird. Someone left some plasticene on my desk - I dont know what to make of it . .

andrewb
Subs bench
Subs bench
Posts: 674
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:49 am

Re: zoo

Post by andrewb » Fri Aug 25, 2023 8:52 pm

Although I'm bald, I still own a comb. I just can't part with it . . .

Post Reply